God's truth for today's world

Everyone of us is hurt from time to time. Sometimes we are hurt intentionally by others and sometimes unintentionally. Some hurts are little and within a short time we forget about them. What I want to talk about are the times when we are hurt and time doesn’t seem to bring healing. Every time we think of the person who hurt us, the pain and anger wells up inside again. Most people do not know what to do and continue to live with the pain, which often gets worse with time. I believe that there are two things God wants you to do when you are hurt. If you do these two things, God will bring healing into your life.

The first thing to do when you are hurt is the simplest, but often overlooked. Simply pray and ask for God to help you. There is great power in prayer. Life Church has many people attending who are unchurched. They are always so amazed the first time they give a prayer request to our prayer team and God answers the prayer, often very quickly. God is there to help, if we will but ask Him and oftentimes humble ourselves to ask others to pray.

The second thing to do when you are hurt is more difficult, it does not come naturally. When you are hurt, God wants to teach you to forgive the person who hurt you. Many people have trouble with forgiveness, they think that forgiveness is letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is really about letting you off the hook, the hook of unforgiveness. An increasing number of scientific studies are now documenting that unforgiveness is a key factor in many sicknesses and that people who forgive are more healthy.

What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is simply yielding your right to get even with the person who hurt you. It is not saying that what they did was right, it is not saying that God will let them off the hook. It is giving up on revenge and praying for them. How can you forgive when the hurt is great? You can forgive as you remember that God has forgiven you. You can forgive when you acknowledge that God is in control. Nothing that anyone will ever do to you can thwart God’s plan for your life. God is able to take even the worst of the hurts and turn it around for good for those who love God.

Recently, I read an amazing story about two men, Tass and Moran, who forgave one another and became lifelong friends. Tass was a Palestinian Arab, trained by the Fatah as a sniper to kill Jews. Moran was a Israeli soldier who had seen many of his friends killed by a suicide bomber. Each man, one a Muslim, one a Jew, became a Christian upon reading the Bible. God allowed them to meet one another and through a process of reconciliation and forgiveness, made possible by God’s grace alone, they became close friends. The answer to broken relationships, the answer to hurts in your life, the answer to problems between nations is found in Jesus. He has forgiven us, so we can forgive others.

TEV Eph. 4:32 Forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.

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  1. Pastor,

    My question is “What is forgiveness?” Can you forgive someone in your mind/heart, but not do it face to face. Let’s say that there are issues with an indivudual and you are scared (due to physical abuse) for yourself or your family (children) to face the person ever again. Can you forgive a person, but never want to be a part of their life again? Or, if you never want to be a part of their life again does that mean you really haven’t forgiven them?

  2. Forgiveness is simply yielding your right to get even with the person who hurt you. Unless someone has come to you and said they are sorry, it generally is best to simply forgive them in your heart as you pray to God. When someone poses a serious physical risk to you and your family, based on past behavior, forgiveness does not mean that you have to be around that person.

    There are a number of possible situations here, so it is hard to answer all possibilities. Sometimes a person will really hurt you, but say they are sorry and really change their ways. Forgiveness can lead to a complete reconciliation of the relationship with God’s help. At other times the person who hurt you never apologizes or changes their ways, and so it is best to forgive them in your heart and stay away from them, if the physical risk is great. The toughest cases are those where the person who hurt you apologizes again and again, but their actions never change. Forgive them and do what you need to protect yourself and your family. I believe you can truly forgive someone and at the same time follow God’s guidance to not allow them in your life for the sake of your own physical safety and protection.

  3. This is to the person that wrote the comment about Pastor Dan’s blog on foregiveness. I had to foregive my mother 10 years ago for the abuse I suffered as a child growing up by her hands. I didn’t do it face to face cause she died. I did it through prayer and telling the Lord that I foregive her.I also had to forgive my father for the role he played in my childhood.I couldn’t do that face to face either.Because I didn’t know where he was. He has since died. Right now God is requiring me to forgive someone in my lkife that is hurting me emotionally on a continueous basis. This one will be harder for me to do because of who this person is. This person is in denial about the whole thing. I will have to pray and ask God how he wants me to do this. We has christian must forgive because that is who and what God is. Jesus forgave them when they hung Him on that cross. I will pray for you concerning this matter. I hope this has helped you. God Bless

  4. Pastor Dan,

    I am asking that you pray for me. My life has been filled with hurt after hurt and I have trouble forgiving. Please pray that God endow me with courage.

  5. Father, I pray for this person whose life has been filled with so many hurts. Help him (her) to know that you weep with every tear that falls from his eyes. That you feel every hurt and pain that he has endured. Help him to know that you understand what he is going through, because Jesus went through great pain and suffering in his life on earth. Yet, Jesus found the courage to forgive those who tortured and killed him. Help this person to know that forgiveness is not so much for the person who has hurt him as it is for himself and his relationship with God. Give him the courage to do as Jesus did and forgive, thereby opening himself up to your forgiveness and healing. Give him the fresh start in life that only you can give. A fresh start with you, unencumbered by the prison of bitterness and unforgiveness. A fresh start in knowing the joy of your forgiveness and the ability to forgive those who don’t deserve to be forgiven. Thank you for his request for prayer. Answer this prayer through the power of your Spirit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  6. I wanted love, and received hurt. Am having a hard time forgiving the person that hurt me. I was hurt one year ago by a Christian man. He hurt me intentionally. I wanted to love this man, he wanted to hurt me. He did a great job.

    So I hurt. He has a wife, new baby. So I guess my real hurt is the fact, he was able to marry, go on with his life. While I now am afraid of men. So how do i forgive and move on. I asked for help, I prayed.

    One year he pretended to love me. Knowing he was married the etire time. I was falling in love with him. So forgive a Pastor, that is wealthy, has a wife etc. While I suffer through everyday, thinking he may come to hurt me. The world loves this man. And I get nobody, or nothing.

  7. i gave my life to christ not too long ago.been dating this man for about three years now. did everything for him cos he had no one and was going through a lot. you can never imagine the extent i went for him. i’m broke today cos i gave him almost all my savings and he hurt me real bad. he started cheating and abused me verbally. he mistreated me terribly and made me cry everytime. the respect and love he said he had for me were now history. i had never felt so depressed and down cast that way.he embarassed me and made me develop an inferiority complex cos i thought i wasn’t good enough. even in the midst of all he was doing, i still prayed and cared for him.i would never forget the day he said to my face after one of my crying sessions, “what if i didn’t exist?” he did all these cos things were now better with him forgetting that i helped him get there.he would apologise and still cheat. we were to get married someday but one of those days i cried after reealising he was still cheating, he said he didn’t want to tie me down. it was obvious he didn’t respect me anymore. he could say anything to my face.i helped him get the car he now has but he carries the other girl in it, how cruel can a man be?
    he really really hurt me but with the help of God, i’m better now. i cry no more. we haven’t broken up officially but i know in my mind that we can’t be together again especially now that i’m born again. i can’t continue to have an immoral relationship. he did alot more but i’v e summarised it.
    pastor, tell me, how do i begin to forgive such a person especially when remorse is so far from him and after all he did not even thinking about all i went through for him. only God can understand the pain. how do i see him, smile and be warm to him after everyhthing.its really hard but with God, i’ll do it if thats what God wants me to do.

  8. Forgiveness is not easy, but it releases the forgiver from their pain and hurt. Someone does not have to show remorse or say they are sorry for you to forgive them. When you forgive someone, you are simply giving up your right to get even with them. You leave them in God’s hands, who is far better able to deal with them.

    Jesus said that if you don’t forgive others, then God won’t forgive you. So, it’s pretty important to forgive. Forgiveness releases you from a prison of hurt and bitterness. Forgiveness opens your life up to God’s hope and purpose. You can forgive someone in your own prayers, without ever speaking to them. You forgive them over and over again until the anger and bitterness goes away. God will help you find a better life.

  9. Paster Dan,
    I have recently (in the last 5 months) experienced much emotional hurt and a little spiritual abuse in a relationship i have been having. I’ve been doing a lot of prayer, asking for guidance etc and have received a repetitive message to seek healing. Although i know i have to get this healing I’m not sure who I’m supposed to go to in order have it administered. I read your blog on forgiveness, and it seems to fit in very closely with healing, so i thought that i might ask you to pray for me. I also wanted to ask your opinion on whether or not i should see a local pastor also and receive healing there as well.

    i also wanted to ask you how you can be sure when something is from god, like a message or image when you’re praying, or when it’s your own desires or thoughts. Anything you could tell me on this would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you.

  10. Glad to hear the blog has been helpful to you. I will pray for you. I would also recommend that you find a Bible-believing church in your area and get help and prayer there as well.

    I am beginning a new message series in July called “How To Hear God Speak.” I believe that it will be of value to you with the questions you have. You can listen to the messages online after I give them.

  11. My pastor sexually abused my wife and claimed she seduced him. He is even going around spreading this lie. I am seriously hurt and my devastated. We have left the church but still struggling with the hurt.

    Please advice us. How can we save ourselves from this shame?

  12. That’s a very difficult situation. If you believe the pastor committed a crime, you should report it to the civil authorities. If you don’t believe it was a crime, it should still be reported to the denominational or church authorities. Churches and denominations should not tolerate sexual infidelity in pastors and few do.

    On a personal level, you need to forgive the pastor in your own hearts. This does not mean that he is not guilty or that you should not pursue justice from the proper authorities. It simply means that you leave the end result in God’s hands. Then you need to find a good Bible believing church whose pastor is under authority, find healing in that church community and move on in life.

  13. Pastor Dan,
    I am having a very hard time forgiving my wife. After 10 years of marriage she cheated on me about a year ago. We have 3 kids, 10, 7, &6. Although the affair was very short and she told me everything, sometimes I think the only reason we are still together is the kids. I just can’t seem to trust her like I did prior. I can feel the damage being caused to what’s left of our relationship due to my lack of trust and even mild paranoia, and I fear what will happen if I can’t ‘get over it’. We chose to stay together and I said I would work on forgiving… and she has made some changes, but it still feels like the relationship is eroding.
    Just need some help.

  14. strain1330,
    Forgiveness is a process, not a one time event. Broken trust in a marriage relationship must be rebuilt over a long period of time. You say nothing in your comment about whether you and your wife are growing together spiritually in the context of a healthy church. I believe only God can put all the pieces back together. And even when the pieces are back together, you’ll still remember what happened, you can’t erase the memories. However, God can help you move forward into a place of healing and harmony once again. I believe you are doing the right thing in reconciling, right for you, your marriage and your children. Don’t give up, God will help you.

  15. My pastor hurt me and my family in such a way that I am crushed and spiritually broken. I don’t think I can trust pastors anymore. They are not as they seem – loving, forgiving. After 10 years at our church, we needed help with a problem that affects half of all marriages – even pastors. My husband struggled with porn. He was taken off all ministries and so was I! We were told most people just leave! After 2 years of being benched and forgotten – no real restoration, I questioned it. My pastor told me, “As your friend, not your pastor, if I were you, I would go to another church, even a new denomination.” I couldn’t listen to him preach anymore. Everything he spoke about forgiveness, love, mercy sounded like a lie! How can I go into another church not trusting pastors?

  16. Tasha,

    I am sorry for what you experienced at your church. It was not what the Bible teaches. Quite frankly, if the pastor of the said you should leave, you should leave, because that is not a good church for you.

    How can you go to another church? First, recognize that not all churches and pastors are the same. There are good churches and pastors that will help bring restoration in difficult situations. Secondly, as I said in my post, you must learn to forgive those who have treated you wrongly in your church, including your pastor. To forgive, does not mean that you must stay in that church. Find another church and trust God to give you and your husband a fresh start there.

  17. Dear Pastor,

    I used to very much be a church goer. At 18 I went to university and it all went down the pan for me. I met a girl there, who I treated very badly, at the end of our relationship was the only time I could say I truely loved her (after two years). We broke up around 3 weeks ago, and I was dealing with things relatively well. She now says she has a new boyfriend and its really cut me up. I suspect she is telling me lies to upset me. I deserve it after all. Combined with this loss, i’ve lost my job, didn’t finish my degree and my world has collapsed around me. I don’t want any of it back, but will you please pray for me, so that I can feel the complete peace of God in my heart, so that I can move on to greater things and to a better life. Thank you very much indeed. Chris, Wales, UK

  18. I have more of a question than a response. My husband and I are both Christians, saved by the grace of God. In our church it is mostly family. I worked with a girl that dates my cousin, whom I introduced. She was very mean to me after I got them togehter. She told me at one time I had everything she wanted. I took it as she was lonely and I was married and had a child, and she envied my relationship with God. She asked if she could come to church with us and I told her yes. Then she and my cousin started dating. Once she started dating him things got really ugly at work. She was always degrading me and cutting me down. It all started when my other cousin said something to the family that was not said by my husband. It was a made up, all out lie…We both apologized for weeks and this girl would bever except our apology.
    It all got worse when my other cousin said something to the family that was not said by my husband. My other cousin told my family that my husband said this girl was crazy. He did say it, but meant funny, not psycho. By the time the cousin went to tell the other family members there was more added to it of course. We both apologized for weeks and this girl would bever except our apology.
    I had enough and I quit my job which I didn’t want to do.But felt I had no other choice but to remove myself from the situation. She stills come to church with my cousin. I never told anyone in the family the reason I quit my job. She was very loud, and boisterous, I am very quiet and shy. She told my family that she and I got in a fight, like a fist fight. That was very far from the truth. I never said anything, I just left and told her that I don’t have to be treated that way, I do not have to like her, I am still gonna love her soul, but that is all.
    My husband appologized again at church infront of her boyfriend and some other family members and she didn’t accept it then either. This was after almost 4 months from when it all began. I have cried and left it with the lord to please take care of it. I do feel some peace. But my tourment is going to church and feeling like we are held back to worship the way we should because the family will not speak to us.
    It is blown way out of proportion. We would Never Ever hurt anyone on purpose. We feel we have been done wrong also. We don’t know if we need to find another church. We have a son who is 8 and we don’t want to remove him from the church he has known forever. We are so hurt and confussed. Our apologies are not excepted, and we feel like we have been done wrong.
    Do you have any advice? We try to smile at them, speak to them, and pray for them.

    Thanks for your help!

    1. I would suggest that you speak to your pastor about the situation. He may be able to get you and this girl together and help bring about a reconciliation. If that doesn’t help and you have done all you can, I would encourage you to leave it in God’s hands and continue to serve and worship Him. If everything else about the church is fine, I would hate to see you leave over this one problem relationship. I will pray that God gives you wisdom in the situation.

  19. Dear Pastor Dan,

    This is not a response but a questions that I hope that you will have time to answer for me. My family and I have gone to the same church (with the same pastor) for over 15 years. I currently went back to college to get my Bachelors Degree and have missed quite a bit of church. My husband takes my 3 children faithfully and I attend more times than not. I have had some struggles through the past couple of years but still consider myself “a child of God”. I finally graduated this past Friday and at church on Sunday I felt God in a powerful way as I was praying and many other church members were praying with me. My pastor didn’t pray for me which isn’t unusual in my case. He hasn’t prayed for me (by laying on hands or even getting close to me) in many years and frankly, although it hurts sometimes, it’s okay because the bible doesn’t say “Your pastor has to lay hands on you to be healed.” (I know this email is getting quite lengthy so I’ll try to keep it short). During prayer on Sunday the pastor stopped the service and said “I don’t care about those praying now (which was only me) but am concerned about those not praying so everybody stand so we can get on with the service”. Those were his words! I felt like the Spirit was quenched because I was getting a much needed break through and I was very hurt because I needed this break through as I almost lost my soul going through this university. I feel it’s a real need for me to change churches but my whole family is extremely involved in this church, my children attend the church school and everyone in my family obviously feels that this is there church home even though I don’t. What would you do Pastor Dan? I would love to have a pastor that I could talk with but mine avoids me like the plague. Should I find a church and go alone? No one else in my family will go with me.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had some problems with your pastor and church. I would encourage you to practice forgiveness over what has happened in the past. If the church you are going to is a Bible-believing church, I would encourage you to remain there and follow your husband’s spiritual leadership. I don’t know exactly what went on in the service you mentioned, but the pastor’s role is to try to do what’s best for the whole church. That means sometimes, our own needs must be left in God’s hands, so that the others needs can be met. Often times, the best place for individual ministry is in small groups that meet during the week. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and grace to help you find His direction.

  20. Pastor Dan… Thank you, this really helped me move on…
    and now i know that people will always hurt you… even the close one but all you gotta do is pray and forgive, so that you can be able to forget…
    Thank you for making me realize that.

  21. so, i recently moved here and i just joined a church a few weeks ago and feel so let down and confused. i joined for the people there (a member brought me there as a visitor and i liked the people) and i had a strong desire and need to get back into a church home. the pastor is not why i joined and he keeps repeatedly letting me down:
    1.)) new members class was always rushed and it was like we were just being fit into the busy schedule and we were always the class to get shortened or cancelled or delayed — i would never have joined if i was just acting on the impression received from the class or by his actions
    2.)) the anouncement was made for a new class, just after i joined, and he says “all are welcome even if it’s for a refresher” …i go back cause i am so very much in need and he comments seveal times about how he didn’t expect a new member to want to be back so soon and that i already got everything i could from the class –i never went back
    3.)) i am going through the morning greeting line and there is a man in front of me who stops to shake the pastor’s hand and makes a comment and the pastor is speaking with him and physically moving him forward in the line/kind of rushing him at the same time and then, while still speaking with the man, reaches back to shake my hand and doesn’t even look at me and then kind of propels me foward with the handshake and the next thing i know, i am two places ahead and never even greeted him. some kind of weird sound came out of my throat and i felt like i had just been rejected and as i stepped through the doorway, i heard, “good morning x. how are you?” and he was greeting me. i just kept on walking.
    4.)) i have social anxiety disorder and the first time i was allowed to take communion (its a closed communion and i couldn’t participate until i was a member), i didn’t even hear the words. the next sunday, i still didn’t get to hear the words that the elder and pastor were saying very well. this last sunday, i was intent on actually hearing what they were saying to me and i made good eye contact with the elder and listened to his words really well and then, i reached the pastor and i was again being kind of propelled forward and as i was trying to hear his words i just stood there while he was talking and i looked up to make eye contact and he looks away from me and up to the ceiling, like he wasn’t even speaking to me but just saying the words.
    5.)) i really believe my dad is up in heaven and watches over me and given me guidance sometimes and the pastor laughed at me and said that wasn’t true. that has been what’s gotten me through these last 10 years and i cried for a week. i now choose to believe he’s wrong.
    6.))i went to a fancy dinner/fundraiser last night and was sitting at his table, seats assigned/not by choice. he and his wife are even younger than me and they made no attempt to engage me in conversation and then joined in with the two people on my other side who were making fun of the singer. i know the singer couldn’t hear them, but i was crushed. that is not a christian way to act and i can never stand it when someone is being single out and made fun of or picked on. i cried all the way home.
    i really want to be part of a church family and i want to keep learning but i feel so unwelcome by my pastor and i struggle with not returning. i like so many of the members that have been welcoming to me and i have no other place to belong. i am alone. i have no family. i am new to the community; new to the job; new to the church. my faith is still growing and even i know i am being tested. but really, i feel my pastor is the one person i should be able to trust and that church should be my one safe place. i don’t feel like that now.

  22. Pastor Dan,

    Thank you for your site and thank you for this reading.
    I’m in situation in my life where I have forgiven my ex for hurting me deeply and leaving us, but I have troubles to forget it. It comes to my mind and I feel deeply hurted again. I already discovered that the key is to keep my mind busy with God’s word, but sometimes my mind travels in old hurting ways.
    I also want to tell one thing that helped me forgiving, it was that this hurting situation brought God to my life, I lost husband because of becoming a christian, but I found God. Things that hurt us are blessings, beacuse they make us pray more and be with God more.

  23. Dear servant of the lord
    I am very troubled. I have spent the last 10 years in s ministry that my husband and I have helped to establish and to build in which my husbands’ brother is the pastor. It is an ethnic church and my husband and I headed up the music ministry. We served with out pay and also assumed the role of elders with out position or title because we love the lord and believed we were in his service. We have suffered one attack after another from, of all people the pastor and his family. We stayed in the church because the pastor seemed to be sincere in serving God and the people and we believed it’s where God had put us and it was our job to help the pastor come to maturity. My husband never allowed me to confront a lot of the very hurtful things that went on so my children and I suffered in silence. Last September things got so out of hand my husband decided to bring it to his brother’s attention. Instead of listening the pastor flew into a rage and became defensive and variably abusive demeaning me and dragging Evan my children in to it as his wife egged him on. My husband became so enraged he decided to leave not only the church but the city and the rest of his family as well. I tried to reason with him even mentioning different ways to make amends. When my husband finely told me what was said to him during the argument that day, I got sick to my stomach. I to, decided it was time to go. We have moved very far since then and no attempt was made on ether side to make amends. It was a tight church community of friends’ family and relatives that’s connected to other churches like its self around the world. I attend an ethnic church now but am looking for a church that I can grow in. I don’t know if the lord took us out of there, Or if our lack of perseverance got the best of us. I’m rely concerned and confused as to how the lord would see this.

  24. Dear Pastor Dan,
    I don’t even know how to come to you with this but I really need you to pray for me. I’m going to start from the beginning it starts about 12 years ago. There’s this guy that I’ve been seeing in and out of relationships with a man who is now my husband. Well maybe I can say that I choose the wrong kind of men. Well this one guy that I really love don’t love me back because his actions tells. I’m also a married woman. My husband is in prison for life. I know It’s no excuse but I’m in love with the other man. I really think that I shouldn’t married my husband because I wasn’t really in love with him i just didn’t want to be alone. The other guy he went into a relationship while talking to me behind my back which left me devistated! I even accepted him back months later because I was still lonely! Then my husband came back around i cut the guy who I’m in love with off got married. Now my husband is serving sentence me and other are back in forth in and out again it’s like a roller coaster it makes me so sick to where I can’t even eat. What is it Pastor Dan? Now the guy has left again living with another woman and acts as if I dont exist! I feel like he loves me but I something else say not true. Please say a prayers for me real soon cause Im falling apart! I really hurting! I need a answer and prayers! Why do he come into my life and act as if he loves me tell lies and then leave without a word. I seen him today and he didn’t see me. That hurt so bad also today is my birthday and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. Does he hate me? Please help me!

    1. Hello, I dont know where you are right now, or if things have got better, but you got to start making atermatums to this man, you seem to be a nice person and you seem to be doing your part, and if or when he dosent listen to your atermatums… than you have to leave….because it seems like he is not willing to do his half… and that is not what you want, you will get used and hurt more…
      May God give you strenth and peace of mind…

  25. Hi
    I am a gal in my mid 20s and till now I have faced a hell lot of problems due to people who I am very close to.
    They hurt me to an extent that I completely broke down, Yet I get up for next round of pain with lot of anger and pain in my heart.
    I always try a lot to forgive them but I cant to do that.I remember the pain they have given me
    By the passing time this pain and anger has increased to huge amount that I wish to kill myself.
    But I am scared to do that, thinking what my parents will have to face after that
    I have started distrusting God as well.

    This time I have been hurt again but I have been trying a lot to come out of it but nothing is happening.
    My continous sufferings had vanished my confidence and determination
    I feel like completely ruined

    1. hey seek first the kingdom of God and he will make your paths straight, Bible… God Bless man,,, you can do it, I mean God will do it for your, just put your faith in him in everything, knowing, you are his, I know its hard, but God can work it out for you… lil by lil…

  26. Hi pastor Dan I need helping recovering I left a church cause the pastor did not do his job his daughter and her friend said u don’t belong at this church also been gossiped about been discourage hurt. I tried to ask for help he turned me away but after all this he wants me to go back but that church is to bitter and cold there is nothing positive about most of the people are not Christ like. The question is how do I deal with the former pastor and his members worst of all the gossip? That affected me agreat deal thanks god bless

  27. Hello Mr Pastor, My story is one of sadness and confusion and living in hope.. its a long story, but I will try and make it short… I come from a broken family, my mum has been married 4 times now.. well I have suffered quite a lot of rejection in my life, so I left my country which is New Zealand and traveled to Central America.. I now have a gal that I call my wife and her daughter who I call my daughter and a son with her…. I have gone through so much with her, and I havent seen her for one year because I have no money to travel back to see her, and every week I send around 450 dollers to her, which is nearly all my pay…. I do not have much of a life here, I have a full time Job have no car not even my own bed… and at work most times I do not eat any thing because of my situation… I am not only paying for her and our kids but also her family because they are poor and need my help as no body else can help them in (Honduras) I have been trying to get all our imigration papers ready, but that also is a very hard task, it has been so dificult in every corner of my fight… I beleive in Jesus and have now started going to church but non of them really understand how hard it is…. it is very hard Sir…. I can see the way things are heading I will not be seeing them for another year because of money…. I do not smoke I do not drink I send most of my money overseas to them as they need it… I wonder to my self what is Gods plan in all of this because at times it eats me up…
    Thank you for listening…

  28. Hi Pastor,

    I just want to ask some advices,

    I am in a middle of depression. Sad, hurt, and feeling alone. when im working i assure that i make everything nicely, talking to people, going to the office happy, im also a bubbly and jolly person. All of my oficemates knows me as a very happy person but lately I fall in love with my boss and I have a very close friend of mine that I usually share all my problems, my secret about what i feel with our boss, my life of ups and downs and suddenly my other friends noticed that this lady and my boss has something in relation. I just cant imagine that my friend kept on texting my boss and some of my friends discovered that they aleady have a secret relationship. I started to change my way of approaching them, i became sad and wanted to be alone. I also didnt notice that some of my friends who knows me as a very happy person started to keep on asking me why I’ve changed, what is my problem. I am just worried that what if one morning when I wake up and go to work and ask for my friends but they all gone. what im gonna do?


  30. Pastor Dan,

    I was abused as a young girl by my mother and stepfather My mother passed away a couple of years ago and my step father is not in the best of health. I never told my mother how I really felt about her and the abuse that I suffered at her hands. When she became sick I wanted to tell her then but she was too sick to know what I was talking about so I just kept it to myself. I don’t even want to face this man how can I betin to forgive him for what he put me through as a young girl?

  31. Pastor.. im a hindu girl.. i fallen in love witha a guy since 4 years.. he really take care me but sometime he hurts me… if he done anything wrong he tried to close his topic.. but if i did that he talks me so badly until i got commited suicide … i cannot take it .. i didn’t ask his money wealth.. i just ask him be polite and lovely with me.. i take care him so much but when fight he tells that i didn’t take care him well.. he never wants to know what my heart fells… im really depressed .. what wrong i did to him?

  32. I was called into a meeting by a presiding Pastor and I was amazed and shock in what he said to me. It was very hurtful. I have been at the church for 8 years and have been faithful. I had not did anything wrong that I know of. I do understand the difference between rebuke and chasting. But, this, was neither the case. There is a calling on my life and I am praying and asking God to heal the hurt and help me to forgive the Pastor, as well. I have to forgive, it’s not an option for me.

  33. today i read this page and receive a direction how to handel heterade
    thank you i have been forgiven an God in control in my today situation.

  34. Pastor,
    I wanna ask you something.Sometimes when you forgive people,they start thinking that he must not had so much courage to take the vengeance.Sometimes i also feel ,is it really that i am not able to take the revenge or is it i really dont want to fight. i get confused and it eats me from the inside.

  35. I am asking that you pray for me. My life has been filled with hurt after hurt and I have trouble forgiving. I settle for less than I deserve because of insecurities. I have people come and go in my life because my childhood had no consistencies that were healthy so I never understood the value in respecting friendships, etc. My own Mother who suffers from a bad childhood is so self centered that she refuses to trust me. I grew up experiencing my Mother constantly worrying about her reputation and believing other people before she’d believe me. As a result, I can not even trust my daughter to be in her company without me being present. I have been a work in progress but along the way, I have endured so much hurt and pain. I try to see light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel carries so much baggage that I lose hope. I make it up one step and get knocked down three. I have enormous guilt over bringing my daughter into this stressful mess. She has caught me crying over hurts and it scares me that I am not demonstrating a healthy strong example. Please pray for me.


  36. Pastor Dan,

    My sister in law hurt me deeply and my family. She’s in denial about the hurt she caused. On top of that she smeared me with lies to make her self the victim, I dont think she has the best interest for me. The last time we had talked, it did not go to well. She once again accused me of doing something i dint do and she said she dint understand why i had build up walls if she never did anything to me. once againg determined to practice forgiveness as i was hearing her speak. Toward the end of the convo i had just decided to over see everything and told her i wanted to try to build a relationship but i made it clear that if she was going to be disrespectful and not honest it was just not going to work out. The fact that i am willing to work it out was it wise to do? Do i have to be close to them just because their family? because if it were a friend who would do this to me i would rather never be friends and move on. Is their a special exeption when it comes to family?

  37. I was shattered when I found out that my husband has pregnanted another woman and he is chasing me out and our two children out of the house. I’m hurting please pray for me.

    1. I just read your issue about your husband. I am praying for you. I hope since it has been a few months that you are doing well. I am going through a similar heartache but not comparable to yours. I am unable to stop crying so I cannot imagine how you felt or feel. I hope all has gotten better for you. They say that God will see you through this. I am hoping that is true for you and you can feel him. My heart breaks for you. Praying for you to have peace and a place for your children and you to stay without worry.

  38. So I see most of these hurts are due to men problems on here. Mine is something like that but not quite. Mine was a friend that I thought cared greatly about me. But he was just trying to weasle his way into “owning me” or having a relationship with me.. I risked my career and marriage to help this person and be there for him, but when the time suited him he left me behind with zero regard. It was horrible to do so much for someone just to be written off later like nothing. At first I was angry because I thought we were close friends and never expected such a horrible falling out. Then I forgave him. It’s been just about a year later since our falling out after 4 months of no talking we started to talk again but extremely superficial not how it was before. He seems bitter and angry even though he wronged me? I keep praying for him to find fulfillment and happiness even though we are no longer close I feel I owe it to the friendship we once had. But at the same time I still feel the great loss of his friendship. I miss him but know that it’ll never be the same.. Please pray for me and my once best friend I no longer want to miss this person, I need to move past this but can’t seem to. I want him to soften his heart to let Christ in so he can be happy in life also. Maybe one day we can encourage each other/help one another through life again. Thank you.

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